Episode #26: Babes Embrace Their Inner Child

Babe That's Bonkers Podcast

0:00

-57:57

Episode #26: Babes Embrace Their Inner Child

W.W.L.Y.D.- What Would Little You Do? W.D.L.Y.N.- What Did Little You Need?

Kaylee Faria

Jun 05, 2025

Episode #26: Babes Embrace Their Inner Child

Welcome Babes to the 26th episode of the Babe That’s Bonkers Podcast! I’m your host, Kaylee Faria, and I’m thrilled to take you on this bonkers journey into my world.

In this episode, I’ll share a little story about why my inner child is on the mind these days —what the inner child even means—as well as ways to embrace her/him, and some realistic thoughts on life to finish things off. So, grab your favorite drink, get cozy, and let’s get chatty ;)

“Hey babes, welcome back for another episode of the Babe That's Bonkers podcast.

I'm your host, Kaylee.

So happy to be here, so happy to have you here.

It is another wonderful, beautiful day out here in Arizona.

The summertime has been strange.

Kind of like mild, but also not.

The monsoons haven't hit yet, it's pretty late for that.

So that's been interesting.

The rain is kind of what gives us the reprieve out here in the desert from the heat.

But I also feel like it hasn't been quite as hot, like high degrees as like past years.

Sometimes I feel like by April, it's like in the hundreds.

And this year, like, we're just, we're not that toasty yet, you know, taking advantage of that while we can.

My dog's enjoying her sunshine.

The plants are thriving-ish when I remember to water them.

I feel like some of them I'm really testing, but they keep coming back.

So I'm just like, we're building resilience at this point, but I'll walk out and they'll be all like wilted over, so, so sad when I just water them and pray that, well, they'll perk back up.

And so far so good.

I think I've only lost, you know, a couple plants since this spring.

And you know, it's to be expected to a degree.

I've started to include some bloopers at the end as of last video.

So if you want to see weird, funny things happen, like my dog sneezing or sirens driving by, I don't know, just who knows what it'll be.

I don't decide, the universe decides, you know, so bloopers at the end, you have to, you know, be a thrill listener if you want to enjoy those.

But yeah, so that's something new, a little bit housekeeping.

What else, what else?

By the time this episode comes out, I will probably have also posted my first like sub stack, like real posts, not like, it kind of feels like Twitter meets like blog articles in a way, because there are things you can kind of scroll from.

And I feel like I've like commented, I made like a little bitty post, like a Twitter vibe, a tweet.

Sub tweet, oh my god, a new meaning.

No, totally different meanings.

But I have a little like creative writing article type thing essay, more essay, it's not an article.

I'm not like here to like educate people.

I just have words to share, and I feel like they're a bit artistic.

So feel free to check out my sub stack.

That's something that's new that I'm trying to pay more attention to.

So it is linked below if you are interested.

And also all of the like audio transcripts for the podcast are on sub stack as well.

So if you'd rather read than listen, that is an option for you or whoever.

But anywho, time to start chit chatting about today's like actual episode theme topic, whatever.

Today we are going to be chit chatting about embracing our inner child.

This has been a topic that's just been on my mind a bit recently.

And it's something that's been like on my podcast queue as like an episode idea, but it hasn't felt right until recently.

And I'm like, okay, now I have the official ammo to to actually like complete this, this episode, the proper motivation, if you will.

So we're going to chit chat about like why the whole concept of your inner child is like relevant and like what it means.

And then, you know, ways to embrace it.

And this is coming from a purely speculative contemplate contemplating contemplative.

I'm not an expert.

This is not coming from an educational standpoint.

This is just a girl with some thoughts that she's gonna share.

So take everything with a grain of salt, if you will.

But first, before we really jump right into things, it is beverage time.

So if you haven't already grabbed something delightful to sip on as we hang out and chit chat together, now is the perfect time.

You deserve a little treat.

So well, we'll take a moment to wait.

You have your treat?

You're ready?

Okay.

Microphone is here.

The Ollie Pop is here.

We're doing a little lemon lime action today.

There's nothing I love more than a Sprite, a 7-Up.

So fun, so crispy, so bubbly.

I'm just having a hoot and a half over here.

I used to say that all the time, less recently, but I feel like I often like pick up on just like different phrases from, you know, things I see on the internet, things I hear, whatever.

Sometimes I come up with my own, depends on like who I spend my time with, but it's such an interesting phenomenon of like, you know, you just, you start to talk like the people you spend a lot of time with, like the way you like joke, like you just naturally we pick up other people's mannerisms.

And I just find that incredibly interesting and fascinating.

Like, I feel like I say strawberries now that I have a man from Missouri living in my life, spending, sharing his life with me, me to share my life with him.

Anyhow, I feel like I very much have like strawberries, like I'm a valley girl at heart from California, but now I definitely say strawberries every time.

And every time it comes out of my mouth, I'm like, that sounds weird, that sounds off, that doesn't sound like me, but I still say it every time.

So that's a new adaptation, but a tangent besides the point.

Took way too long to take that first sip, but now I'm ready to rock and roll.

So we're gonna start things off with a little bit of a story time today.

Couple days ago, I was just feeling quite sentimental.

Honestly, recently, I've been feeling pretty homesick, something I've never really felt before.

I don't know, I think whenever I was just newly moved away, I just made more efforts and had more resources to visit frequently versus now with a job versus being in school.

I don't have as many breaks in my schedule.

And it's just more challenging to plan those types of trips, especially with a partner and dogs and all kinds of things.

So I kind of visit home once a year now.

And just, I think mostly with my grandma getting older, I just want to be there a little bit more often than I am.

Arizona is not super far, but it's not like I'm seeing anybody every day kind of thing.

And my visits also aren't usually like too, too long.

So I don't know, I'm just wanting to make a few more this year than I have in the past couple years.

And yeah, just like homesick, sentimental, nostalgic feelings have just been at the precipice recently.

Those have been like the vibes.

So I decided to like go through some old like family photos.

I brought a handful with me whenever I visited home.

I don't know if it was the last time, one of the more recent-ish times.

And it's something I'm really happy about.

I felt kind of weird taking like pictures out of like the home I grew up in thinking like, oh, well, these are for everyone else to enjoy.

But it's nice to take a little bit of that with me.

And it's nice to have like physical pictures.

I feel like it's easier to like, go through them than it is like pictures on your phone.

And like, the vibes are just so much different.

So it does have me also inspired to like print out more pictures.

I have the the Fuji camera app thing, because I really love film, but obviously film photography is quite expensive to get into as a hobby.

So that's kind of like my new niche.

And like that app is essentially just like where I keep all of like my happiest moments, my favorite photos.

And I'll take other pictures on there just to like give it the like film filter, like for work and stuff.

But then I'll go through and delete them from like the app album, because I just want it to be this like collection of things that like truly bring me joy.

And like are like the moments where I'm actually living life, not just like a screenshot and a bunch of mumbo jumbo that gets lost in like the whole photo album, because there's a lot in there.

I've looked recently, I'm low in the storage department.

There's there's a lot going on in there, a lot of unnecessary stuff.

So it's nice to at least have my more precious photographs to just like separated out already for the most part.

But anywho, the other day, I was going through all these childhood photos.

It was interesting, kind of sad that I didn't find like a ton of my grandmother, but then I realized like, she's the one who's like behind the camera.

So like, as I'm going through a lot of these photos, like sure it could be other people as well, but for the most part, I feel like I'm like seeing like our family events and other things from her eyes, which I think is just, it was really comforting to know that like, even though that I'm not seeing a bunch of pictures of her, like she's still very much a part of all of these really beautiful little moments from like my childhood and before, and from all different moments and like her life kind of thing.

And one thing that I found was like super duper fascinating, I ended up posting about it on my Instagram story, is I came across a couple pictures of me as a kid, doing things I didn't even necessarily like remember doing.

Like I did remember quite a few outfits that I came across.

There was definitely this like strawberry shortcake, like top jean combo that I loved.

And I was dressed up in this like orangey yellow, which I've always been told is like my color.

So that was interesting that I was like wearing that as like a kid.

But just like kind of like sunshine yellow.

But it had like this like embellished like sequined like sun on the side.

It was like a boho like top thing and like a matching skirt, just matching sets.

I've always been a sucker for some matching sets.

I'll say it once, I'll say it again.

I love a good matching set.

But I just thought that was really interesting to see like me as a child like oh, I still like carry on with this.

And like I have like a sun tattoo now.

Like that's like something that's like, I don't know, just really meaningful to me.

And it's super cool to see that it's something that I've been like interested and drawn towards like since I was really really young.

And what I was doing in some of these photographs was just like the real kicker.

Like there was one where I was like gardening with my grandpa or one of my grandpa's.

I'm funny enough, not the one that I like remember gardening with the most, but there he was supervising me with this huge ass shovel, just like digging in the dirt and whatever, probably messing around with tomatoes and fava beans.

I don't really remember them growing much else at my grandparents' house.

So I feel like that's a safe bet, but there I was helping him out in the garden.

And then there was another picture of me and I was standing next to this wall, covered in all of these paper crafts that I had done, coloring book pages and papers that I'd cut a bunch of hearts out of and other papers that I stuck a bunch of hearts on and just all kinds of things that I taped all over my grandma's wall.

And they were loose pictures, so I ended up putting them together in the album to look back on, so when I'm flipping through, I can see me being me in my truest self, my truest form.

These are the things that I have always naturally been drawn to, spending time in the garden, getting my hands dirty, fiddling around with plants.

I also remember always wanting to mess with any sort of animal I came across.

I loved roly-polies.

I always chased the ranch cats hoping to catch them with my cousins.

We always stuck our hands in the baby calves' mouths because I liked the taste of our salty skin and they didn't have teeth yet, so it was just like a funny, weird, silly thing we would do as kids.

I'm just thinking I remember taking a friend to do that like when we were in middle school and she'd never had that kind of experience before and she was just, she was all into it, like freaking wrist deep in just like calves having the time of her life.

Just playing with cute little baby animals is this children me as a child like to do.

I don't know about all children.

I mean, most children probably, but it just made me realize, you know, if these are the things that I was doing as a child, like no wonder I feel so drawn and like love doing these things so much now as an adult.

Like I love spending my time in the garden.

Obviously, I love creating art and you know, there are there are so many other elements to like my childhood that I went to bring forth into my life and adulthood now, which we will get into later.

But I just really find it so, so fascinating.

And I would love to know if any of you guys, you know, had some like things that you like really love to do as a kid that you kind of like forgot about, perhaps like middle school, high school, college era, when we're like also focused on growing up and becoming adults and whatever, but then like rediscovered as an adult or something like that.

Like just I would love if you shared your little own little stories and how this episode might relate to you.

So please, please comment below.

I'll do my best to respond if you do.

And another little story I had that I feel like plays into this whole like embracing the inner child moment and like me working on, you know, becoming an artist as an adult is something I did.

I don't think I've told this story on the podcast before.

If I have, oh well, here's round two.

But I remember in like the fourth, fifth, sixth grade, around that time, I was really, really into like watching people on YouTube.

That's like when I first got into that, I feel like that's when like memes started becoming popular and whatever else.

But I got really, really like crafty with a lot of things.

Like I watched a lot of people like how to draw things.

Like I remember there's this one like specific like giraffe face that I could also very easily turn into like a cow.

And I just remember watching a lot of videos about that.

And then that somehow took me into like bullet journaling.

And then, you know, further into like duct tape crafts.

And this is where I really like found my niche, my home as a childhood artist, a small business entrepreneur.

Because I just, I went ham making all the different like duct tape wallets and like the pens that looked like roses.

And literally so, so many things.

And it got to the point where I started selling these things at school, like at recess and after school and stuff like that.

And this was like me being like a bad kid, because you're definitely not allowed to like sell things at school.

But everyone was asking for them, and I wasn't about to give it out for free.

But so everyone was buying like all these little duct tape crafts and creations from me.

And my dad told me that whatever money that I was making, you know, I could like maybe spend a little bit of it, go get some like candy or soda or something like a shirt or I don't know.

But most of it, I think pretty much all of it, I actually ended up putting back into buying more duct tape.

Because there were just freaking endless colors and patterns.

And I always wanted more.

And obviously, he got tired of buying duct tape for me.

But he was also trying to teach me some like good lessons on business of just like, you know, the profits that I'm making, reinvest it and then expand and whatnot so forth.

We'll see how it goes now as an adult in the future.

But I was making a lot of money.

Like, I think I remember coming home with like over 100, maybe almost like $200 one day when I had like a big old like release.

I remember taking, I want to say it was maybe a freaking box of like beard that I like covered in duct tape and repurposed.

And it had like all my pins and wallets and like other crafts and creations and I remember setting it out at school.

And everything was fine.

Everyone was buying.

Everyone thought it was so cool.

I was just living, loving life.

And a teacher walked over and I became terrified.

Like, oh my God, I'm breaking the rules.

I never break the rules.

Like, I was such a goody two shoes for the most part.

And I just like, ugh, I can still feel the fear to this day.

And she actually just wanted to buy a rose pen for me and supported my cute little business.

And I am so, so thankful for that teacher and that she did that instead of getting me in trouble.

Because there are a lot of teachers that would have gotten me in trouble because it's the rules.

But the way that she supported me and didn't crush my dreams, I think is so beautiful, especially because she was never one of my teachers.

I'm actually struggling to remember her name, but I absolutely remember her face.

And I remember what kids were in her class at that era.

But yeah, that's actually really, really special now that I think about that.

But any whom, that was my first art business.

And just like, I think about that all the time now that I'm like trying to become an artist, because it's like, duh, duh, that's what I wanted to do.

Like that's, I naturally started doing that, like without anyone telling me what to do, without any like, sort of like input from anything other than like where like my natural curiosities took me.

And I think that that's so beautiful.

And that is why I think it's important to embrace the inner child.

I feel like so much of it is about just like, tuning out all the external bullshit and like learning how to like find your own path, follow your own intuition, and like what truly speaks to you and your soul, you and your own personal journey kind of thing.

So I feel like a lot of what embracing your inner child, you know, means is kind of providing yourself with what you need.

Like what did you need as a child?

Did you need opportunities to explore?

Did you need freedom?

Did you need more like safety and security?

Did you need like a space to like process your emotions?

Did you just need to be like physically taken care of?

Like there are so many different ways that you could take this, and I'm not trying to get like super depressing, but I feel like, you know, childhood trauma also plays into it.

I feel like a lot of it is about healing those wounds then also giving yourself space to like truly be you and yourself, you know, spending time doing what like naturally calls to you.

And so a few things that come to mind, when I'm like saying all these things of like ways to do this, is kind of like standing up for yourself or speaking your mind, or maybe it's, you know, making yourself breakfast every day.

I know something for me is kind of being on time, but also not stressing if I'm going to be late.

I feel like for me, this comes from like my dad always taking me to school late, growing up, especially on like the first days of school, like that would drive me absolutely insane, because when I walk in, like everything started and everyone would just turn and stare at me and whatever.

And then I also missed out on like that morning, like extra recess playtime and all that jazz.

So that's kind of something that drove me a little bit bonkers growing up, but also can't tell my dad, single dad doing his best, you know, trying to like get me ready.

Also like take care of like work on the ranch, like especially like cows and the dairy industry era, like those were early, early mornings.

And, you know, I know he was absolutely trying his best, but that doesn't mean that it didn't like affect me and that like I was late to school all the time.

And everyone always looked at me whenever I walked in and I always felt really embarrassed.

And then on the flip side of things, my lovely grandmother who also raised me was always so, so early to things.

It was unbelievable, like hours early, like we would get there when like the event set arupper people would also get there.

It would be, that's also embarrassing.

But it's because she always wanted the first parking spot, which made sense.

You know, my grandfather, one of my grandfathers, he was in a wheelchair.

My grandmother's sister who was always with us was also just like just a little lady.

She could walk for the most part, but she took little steps.

But so it made sense on why like a caravan filled with some senior citizens would want the closest parking spot and everything, but she also wanted the front row seat.

And it was something that, you know, I do think is like worth it for a lot of things.

And that's something that was so important and so special to her.

But like, as a kid, being two hours early to like a dinner event or something like that and just having to like sit there and like be bored and whatever, like also drove me bonkers.

And like she always had that super like stressed, like super tense energy if we were like running late in her mind, which is if we were less than two hours early kind of thing.

And I'm literally not exaggerating.

Like if my cousins listen to this, which I know that they don't, they would they would corroborate that story.

Okay, but I feel like that's where my like time stress comes in because I get super duper stressed whenever I feel like I'm like running late to something and that's something I would like to work on.

But so I really just want to like find that balance of like working on being on time because I don't like to be late.

I want to be there when like things start, but also like not stressed because life happens and sometimes we are fashionably late and I really feel like it does depend on like the event.

Like I don't want to be late to a movie because that has like a start time, but I will be late to like a party because that's like more like open house, come as you go vibes and doesn't have like a start and an end per se, unless it's like a fancy party, like a wedding or something like that.

Then I'm definitely not going to be late to it, you know?

It's very situational, but I feel like debunking these things, realizing these things about myself, and then also learning how to provide it for myself.

I feel like that's the hard part, the key, the kicker.

That's how we go about like healing our inner child in a way.

At the end of the day, just like learning how to meet our needs and making ourself feel, you know, safe and loved.

I think, you know, it's just as simple as that.

So how to do it, because I'm obviously the expert.

Totally kidding.

But I feel like this is something that I need to work on.

Like I just have some like shadow work to do, as they say.

And since I'm not currently in therapy due to financial reasons, I definitely want to be working on my mental health and all the different things I want to work on when it comes to like the me that lives in my mind and like lives this life out in the real world as well, if that makes sense.

Like I just really want to like take care of all those different versions of me so I can live the happiest best life that I can.

And since I don't have like a therapist to guide me, I'm trying to just like discover new tools constantly and also try to like build up habits where I'm like actually putting in the work because like that's where the change and the benefits come from kind of thing.

But when it comes to healing my inner child, the first thing I really want to start doing is testing out journaling like Amy McNeese.

Yes, I've talked about her a million times and I won't stop because she's fabulous.

But something that she's talked about when it comes to like her journaling practice is she'll like, you know, just write down her like purest, most honest thoughts.

And sometimes, you know, they're happy.

Sometimes they're sad.

Sometimes they're self-deprecating, like just whatever it is.

And then she'll come back to those words and she'll like, she calls it like mothering, like mothers herself in a way and like talks to herself and like provides herself like the love and support that like the sad, struggling, insecure, like version of herself like needs to be supportive.

Like she is for herself who she needs kind of thing.

And I do feel like that journaling practice can like do a lot for people.

I feel like it could just do a lot for me, honestly, just like learning how to take care of myself as I would a child or as I would anyone else.

I feel like I'm really great at like taking care of my friends, my family to like the best of my degree, my capacity.

But I have a hard time like showing that type of love to myself.

And I think that like journaling in that way could be a great way for me to just like put that into like practice and just like start you know speaking kinder to myself.

You know, we've talked a lot about how words have power.

They hold a lot of power.

I think that this is a way where I can like use that power to my own advantage to like benefit myself and like really start improving in like a personal growth kind of way.

In addition to this, just like sticking to the roots of meeting our basic needs as I talked about in like one of my first podcast episodes, it's just something that's like always like at the forefront of my mind.

Because I try to keep it at the like core like of my life and how I, you know, just go about doing anything and everything pretty much is trying to lay like a solid foundation for myself continuously and just like making sure it's sturdy.

But it's so hard as an adult, it's so hard to be meeting all of your needs like to sleep and eat and go outside and drink your water and be social and do all the things is so hard, but it's also so worth it.

Like I notice every time like once I start falling out of one of my good habits, like I feel its absence and that really just shows like its importance to me.

And I think that that's a really great learning opportunity as well.

And like I mentioned, I think a really big part of this whole like embracing your inner child journey type thing is like learning how to spend time doing things that you feel naturally drawn to.

So I made a big old list of like things I remember doing frequently as a child.

And it is now my like future goal moving forward to continue like looking back at this list whenever I'm just feeling a little bit on the empty side and trying to do some of these activities to like fill my cup back up.

First up, I have wandering around the ranch.

I grew up on a farm.

I grew up an only child for the first 12 years of my life as well.

So I spent a lot of time just like wandering around the farm and making my own fun.

And I think that that was honestly a really beautiful way to grow up.

I feel like it led me to become, you know, really independent and comfortable with being alone.

Maybe too comfortable perhaps, but not really.

I do think I am a well socialized human being.

And, you know, I don't really struggle in those interactions as much as they just don't like fill me up.

They just like take a lot of energy.

But that's also not a bad thing because I do thoroughly enjoy them.

But on the ranch, I would play with ladybugs.

I remember hunting for them.

They would always be in like the wheat fields.

They really, really loved those.

I guess that's where the aphids were perhaps.

Snails also so so fun.

I would never assault a snail.

Snails are sacred creatures.

And I know that they fuck up a lot of gardens and do like cause a lot of damage and stuff like that.

But I just I love a beautiful snail.

They're just one of my one of my favorite little animals to draw and nothing breaks my heart more than hearing a snail go crunch like on a bike ride or on a walk or something like that because they're just they're just trying to get to their next destination.

But anywho, roly polys were probably my favorite of all of these.

Like I love a roly poly.

They're the most friendly of the bugs.

Actually, probably the most shy because they crawl into little things.

But as far as like being scary goes, like I think they're pretty dang friendly and like you can touch them.

So that makes me makes them feel like friendlier than like a butterfly that's like really hard to catch, you know, because they're they're in a different in a different zone.

They're they're air creatures.

I also really loved frogs growing up, not just growing up.

I love them a lot now.

But I specifically remember like capturing frogs all the time at the ranch and bringing them home.

Like I remember one day I like took over the living room as a kid.

And I just remember having like my comforter out.

And I like had all these frogs in the house just like hippie hopping, hanging out with me and I lost a few.

And my dad was not very happy to come home to that.

But what you gonna do when when you got a little girl who likes frogs and is really good at catching them and hiding them and then just brings them in the house because they're they're her friends, you know.

So and it's those memories that I think of so fondly whenever I like go out and see frogs now, like here in Tucson, we have a natural resource place, not natural resource, a water treatment facility called Sweetwater Wetlands.

I think I've maybe talked about before, but it's like this tiny like wetlands swamp oasis in the middle of the desert.

And I like to go there because there are lots and lots of frogs and I got to take some really amazing pictures of them last October.

So I'm definitely gonna have to go go back out.

I should go now.

Last time I went was in February.

So everything's probably like fully grown back.

Definitely toasty, but probably less people, which will be lovely.

But yeah, all in all, I love a good frog moment.

And that has just that's just something that has has never left my soul.

So I should go spend more time with some frogs, you know.

A few other things I would do on the ranch would be like climbing up piles of cattle feed or the different ingredients to their TMR.

That's like their total mixed ration because we would feed the cows.

You know, just like we want them to have like diversity within their nutrients.

So it would be straw and hay.

And then they would also have like almond hulls and some fermented fruit and cottonseed and just like other things that were super deeper nutritious and fibrous that like we as humans couldn't eat.

It was really great.

Like, you know, it was like making great use of like food waste and stuff like that because like the cows loved it.

They benefited from it nutritionally.

And, you know, it was just gonna like become garbage at that point.

But on the ranch, we always had like big old like piles of this stuff that then we would like, you know, mix into like one big batch.

And that's what we would like feed the cows every day.

But I really loved the almond hulls because they're the easiest to slide down, especially with like a toboggan or something like that.

The silage was cool as well.

Whenever we got to go like it had like the tarps, but like no tires on it yet.

So it was pretty like smooth.

But that one usually had a really rough landing on the ground.

If there would be like a little drop off once they like took some to like feed the cows.

I do remember hurting my bum doing that.

But the best one of all of them was definitely like fiddling around in the cotton seed because it was just like so fluffy to like jump and lay on to.

And I wouldn't always be alone doing these things.

Sometimes I would.

But I would also be like with my cousins.

There was another little girl who lived on the ranch as well.

Just like an employee's daughter.

And so we would just go on lots of different adventures together.

So I don't know.

Kind of like dangerous ways to play as a kid.

But I survived and had a lot of fun, made a lot of great memories.

And I think it just like attributes to how nice it is to like explore and just like, I don't know, be a bit like carefree, perhaps.

I do also remember making a lot of mud pies with my little friend that I grew up with on the ranch.

That was always fun.

She had like an outdoor kitchen.

So that's where we would go and we would get all muddy and then we would hose off and I would just walk home.

I just had to walk home by sunset.

That was my little curfew.

And honestly, a pretty good curfew because after that, you know, it's hard to walk without daylight before having cell phones, you know.

But besides, you know, doing little farm girl things out on the ranch, I also really enjoyed just like helping out in the kitchen.

Definitely loved cooking with my dad.

It's not something I did when I was super young, but as we got older, we both got into cooking together.

But helping my grandma out in the kitchen is something I also remember doing just all the time.

You know, she was just the chef of the house in a way.

But my jobs very much included peeling anything and everything.

I would always do it with my grandma's sister and this would be our job to like peel the ears of corn.

Or my favorite were the fava beans, horse beans, if you've never seen them.

It's like, think of a really big snap pea and just popping out all those little beans.

So, so satisfying, so satisfying.

I loved it.

I freaking hated every recipe my family ever made to eat fava beans.

I think they tasted so gross pretty much all the time.

I think now as an adult, I could probably figure out a way that I would like them.

I'm a big believer that all foods are good.

You just need to learn how to like cook them in the way that like vibes for you.

But fava beans were just something I never liked to eat, but always loved to prepare.

So it wouldn't sell me a loose some.

But beyond that, I was also the sugar shaker whenever we would make filage.

I think I talked about those previously in a recent episode ish around Easter time perhaps.

But part of that, you know, after we like fried the dough, we like put them in a in a bag that's filled with sugar and shake them up.

And that was also my job in the kitchen growing up.

Loved that.

And I also love being the meatloaf masher.

My grandma would just like put the ground beef in a bowl and would just be like adding in ingredients.

Now just be in there with my hands, just just mashing it all up.

And thinking about all of those tasks specifically, like it's cooking where I like really got to use my hands.

Like I'm just not one of those people who wants to wear like gloves.

Like I feel like I like the tangibility aspect, tangible aspect of these different skills.

And of course, like sanitation is important, wash your hands kind of thing.

But I was just a fan of the hands on activities in the kitchen and still am.

That's like my favorite part of working with bread and doughs now is like going through, picking it up, kneading it and shaping it and all that jazz.

I think it's a good time.

Next on my list, I have playing the clarinet.

That's something I started doing in the fourth grade.

Got really, really into it.

Did all the way throughout high school.

You know, I was very, very deep into the music scene, which we can talk about another day.

But I actually recently started playing it again, like for the first time in like five years.

I've actually, since I've like graduated and stuff, I've probably picked it up like two or three times.

But this was the first time I like really, really played it because my partner and I were out and about in town and we went to this like secondhand bookstore if you're in Tucson Bookman's.

And they had like a little music section and like lots of guitars and stuff like that mostly and piano music, you know, the common stuff.

But they actually had a little section with like a bunch of reeds.

And I was like, oh, I should, I should pick some of those up.

Like those are, you know, the beginner brand.

I should get some that are like a two, 2.5.

It's just like the thickness of it, the thinner the reed, the easier it is to play, the thicker it is, the harder it is, but the better the sound quality kind of thing.

So the reeds I have like with my clarinet are from whenever I was in like top tier clarinet conditioning, just playing all day, every day, it seemed using like a size four, which was just very pretty advanced, I do believe.

And so I picked up some of the easier reeds and bust out the clarinet the other day.

And it was actually so fun.

I feel like I woke up a piece of my brain that hasn't been activated in a very long time.

It was so fascinating and interesting to like feel that because like I had played the clarinet every day from the fourth grade until high school.

And then all of a sudden I stopped for like four years, for the most part, five years, six years, who knows how long it's been at this point.

We never really really think about it.

Less than 10, that's all I know.

Not that old, but it was just, it was so different than like singing.

Cause like I sing all the time, and it's because it's the easiest form of music to do, because all you need is yourself.

And it's something I've been trying to do a lot more often, like intentionally, just like playing songs, like to sing along with.

And I feel like that has been very good for the soul.

But something about reading the music and like the mind, mind, hand, I was gonna say the mind body connection.

I guess in a way the like hand-eye coordination, mind-body connection, mind-hand connection, whatever you want to call it, there was just something to it, like reading music.

And then I was also playing things like from memory.

And it was just, it was really, really cool.

And it has me really excited.

Like in addition to my little plein air art adventures, I think I might like start busking or something or just not even for money necessarily, but just like playing outside in a park for funsies.

Like I just think that's how I really want and like need to start spending my time these days.

I did also write when it comes to singing in here, I have a Hannah Montana story to tell.

Pardon me doesn't want to pardon me feels like I've told a lot of stories this episode and this one's like too good.

I want to like save it.

But when I really think about it, it's fairly quick.

But when it comes to like thinking about me as a child and the things I like truly, truly loved singing definitely was one of them.

It's something that over time, I like developed stage fright about because I just had people tell me that I wasn't good or that I was annoying or whatever.

And I remember like singing out loud so hard, like in the shower all the time, specifically when I was at my grandma's house, because my grandma always told me how much she loved my singing.

It was my cousins who would always call me annoying kind of thing.

And and then whenever I got older into like high school and stuff, whenever I would audition for choir pieces and solos and whatever, there was just always someone who was better.

And I never want to fault anyone else for being talented and hard working, but it is also just kind of about me.

I never really got the opportunity to have a single solo, but anytime I auditioned, my stage fright would just completely take over.

And I remember as a child before I ever really felt stage fright, and I used to just belt in the shower.

I would think all the time, literally, oh my god, this is so embarrassing, but also so sweet and pure.

But I used to think that because I lived in California where LA was located, that if I like sang hard enough and loud enough, that maybe, just maybe, perhaps, Miley Cyrus would drive by the road in her limousine, like hopping from one freeway to the next freeway or something like that.

And she would hear me singing in the shower and would think, damn, that girl's got something.

I gotta bring her along onto my journey.

And like that's how I truly felt and like wished and hoped every time I would take a shower at my grandma's house and would be like singing just like at the top of my lungs.

And I just, I really wanted to live out a little like Hannah Montana dream.

And it's so sweet to think about that version of me.

It really, really is.

And that version of me would have been mortified to know that I am now sharing that story on the internet for who knows to listen.

But that's really how I felt.

And that is, that's why I want to sing more now.

And I want to learn how to not be afraid of singing in front of other people.

I am getting better, slowly but surely.

I am getting more comfortable singing at home in front of my partner and just not letting him be around stop me from singing and in the car as well.

So we'll get there.

One of these days, I will bring myself to sing out loud at karaoke and it'll be a good time.

I've done it once before.

I can do it again.

But literally only once before in my entire life.

Have I ever sang karaoke?

And I got good feedback.

So that's at least a good thing.

I think I just need to make sure I tell whoever I go with, like you're not allowed to make fun of me.

Like that will actually crush my soul.

And, you know, only good vibes.

If you ain't got nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all kind of thing.

My partner is on his way home.

So I've got, you know, 10, 15 more minutes to like start wrapping things up.

So we're not gonna, we're not gonna be lollygagging as much as we've been, as we always do.

But next little bullet point I have when it comes to thinking about me as like a child is I like to spend a lot of time talking with other adults.

Like kids were okay, but I really loved talking to their parents and always caught myself having super duper long conversations with all of my friends' parents.

And I really looked forward to those conversations and almost like preferred them to talking to my friends at times, you know, until I got older kind of thing.

And I'm not sure what I was like really like subconsciously trying to get out of that.

I think part of it was just like spending so much time like wanting to be an adult, just like wanting that independence and all that jazz.

So it's almost like no wonder now as an adult, I crave wanting to like be in that like flow state of just childlike wonder again.

I probably didn't spend enough time like that as a kid, as like I should have kind of thing.

I think that's just what comes with the territory of being like a kid raised by a single parent, you know, always, you know, they just, you know, we just end up being a little more independent, growing up a little faster kind of thing.

But another layer on to like always wanting to talk to like my friends parents, like I did connect with humans so much more often whenever I was younger, specifically in like school area, like middle school, high school, whenever I was like at my busiest and most social.

But I was hanging out with friends every single day.

And now I hang out with friends like once or twice a month.

And I'll talk to them on the phone, like text or something like a couple times throughout the week, but sometimes maybe not at all and sometimes not for several months.

And I just feel like that lack of human connection also plays a really big role into like, I don't know, the state of like the mental health of adults.

Perhaps like we just don't have the same resource as we did to just fill our cups in those ways.

I don't know, it's just their thoughts, not conclusions, you know, something to ponder on.

But last couple of things that go along together is like whenever I was younger, a kid in school, like I always had something planned, something to look forward to.

And a lot of these things were trips that I took with my family or with school.

Like I traveled a lot with my family growing up, especially with my grandparents, something I'm so, so, so grateful for.

But whenever I was like a member of the Portuguese Fechtas, I did it for like three different seasons, three different years.

And I had to like go to parades every single weekend in a new town in California with my family, like participate in the celebration.

And it was exhausting, but it was also so beautiful and so, so wonderful.

And I feel like that is one of the many reasons why I crave traveling so much now.

It's just something that makes me feel alive.

Like I just, I want to be exploring new places all the time.

I also want to visit places that I know and love and like get to like re-experience things that I know I'll enjoy.

I don't know.

There's, there's, I just, I want to have my cake and I want to eat it too.

You know, I want to enjoy the things that I know I love.

And I also want to explore new things and go on new grand adventures.

But that was a really amazing thing, getting to travel with my grandparents.

Every single weekend and whenever it was just my dad and I growing up, we also went on a lot of really big trips.

Some of them were like school trips.

I went to like Iowa and Washington DC for these like Odyssey the Mind competitions that were so, so, so cool and, you know, just like absolute core memories kind of thing.

But we went on a few other trips as well.

And then once my dad got remarried and the family was bigger, we did travel sometimes.

What is usually more like local places like to the beach or to the lake or just places closer to town.

It makes sense that with a family like more than twice as big, you know, we would just have to keep things a little more low key, a little more feasible rather than like doing cross-country international type vacations.

But I feel like that's where like this like sense of wander list has just been like deeply instilled within my soul kind of thing.

So yeah, that's all I have for my little like, what did I like to do as a kid list?

And, you know, my list of ideas on things to come back to when I feel like I'm like losing myself or unfulfilled in some sort of type of way.

I think these are just things that are me at my core and that I just I truly love and I need to not forget them and respect them and embrace them a lot more.

I do have a quick little astrology thought for the day as well.

We have entered Gemini season.

And if I remember correctly when we were going through all the different zodiacs, Gemini is a sign that is curious and just really likes to learn and stuff like that.

And I think it's so strange that is how it is because recently, I have just found myself wanting to take some art classes.

I don't necessarily want to go back to school by any means, but I feel like just one little class to go to one day or two days of the week, not like a full school schedule or anything like that, or even like working towards getting a degree.

But I just feel like learning something new and like scheduling time for myself to like truly practice and hone in my craft would be so fulfilling and so beneficial.

And maybe it also has to do with the fact that I've been watching a lot more art YouTubers, art vlogs and stuff like that.

And there's just one girl who I'm becoming obsessed with, Izzy Weber, she's, the vibes are immaculate, just like the most beautiful European countryside-esque vibes, classical music, beautiful, beautiful oil paintings, like truly talented gal.

But she like shares little tidbits about like her art classes that she goes to and I'm just, I'm inspired, I'm jealous.

I want to do more and it's also Gemini season.

So of course I am just like being bit by that learning bug.

And I think it's the perfect time because like school also ends in the beginning of Gemini season.

So as you're getting into the summer, you still have that itch to like learn something new, perhaps it's like curious essence about yourself.

And I just think that that's delightful.

And yeah, those are just some thoughts that I wanted to share.

So there's that.

And to speed through my life updates because I feel like my partner is gonna be here at literally any moment.

And I do want to do a little tarot reading.

I wrote that everything feels like too much these days.

I feel like I'm barely hanging on, but I'm just like taking everything one moment at a time.

And you know, that's just that's just where I need to be.

And I do feel a lot more grateful when I do have good moments because everything does feel pretty challenging and chaotic these days and typing out these like life updates just kind of like reflecting on how I've been feeling recently has made me kind of realize like maybe I should stop trying to quantify days as good or bad.

Like I've really held on to this idea of like I want to have more good days and bad days and like that's just my goal.

Like I don't need to be happy all the time, but I do just want to enjoy myself more often than I'm not enjoying myself.

And like I feel like that's still the goal.

But I feel like I need to start looking at things in like moments rather than days and like focusing heavily on the good moments and not letting them be outweighed by bad moments.

Even if they're technically are more of them.

Their value is still less because they weren't good.

They weren't happy.

They weren't fulfilling.

They weren't, you know, what they what they needed to be.

I don't know.

I don't know exactly like the point I'm trying to make here.

But I'm just really trying to like look towards the little things again and focus on the things I can be grateful for and the things that are in my power to change because I just feel like life's happening to me a little bit.

And I want to be happening to life.

Like I'm in control of my own life.

And I just I want to feel that way, you know?

And one wonderful delightful thing I do have to share with you guys is that I had a painting day the other day.

And it was just for fun.

It was absolutely lovely.

Like I had other plans and they just fell aside.

Like there is one project that I'm really trying to work on.

And I feel like me having this like carefree painting day was perhaps being procrastinating that.

But I think I also just really needed it.

Like I just needed to not have expectations and to just do it for the sake of enjoying it.

And I feel like I actually entered that flow state of just like coming up with ideas and testing things out and just like messing around and playing, being so playful.

Amy McNealy always talks about how important play is.

And what a perfect way to end today's episode.

Like getting to play with paints recently was just so beautiful, so amazing, exactly what I needed.

And it definitely did fill me up and feel a little bit less like work.

Sometimes things that do like fulfill me do feel like work and they kind of like expel energy.

Like my podcast does just take up energy and it does make me so happy and it makes me feel so proud of myself.

And it's a wonderful outlet in many days, but it's also work in many ways, I meant to say.

But it's also work, you know?

So I think it's important to like, I don't know, let me have these hobbies that I love without putting so much stress and expectation on them sometimes as well.

Like that's where where the balance of things comes in.

So go out and play, go do something that kid you would absolutely freaking love.

That is your homework after today's episode.

And now to wrap things up, we're gonna do a tarot pool.

I think I'm using the same deck I did last week, but this is just the one I was feeling.

It's the Wild Reflections book.

And we're just gonna cut the deck today.

No shuffling.

We're gonna let the last shuffle do today's work for us.

So here we have on the top, hmm, what is that?

Oh, the tower.

Yeah, I can't read upside down, but it is reversed, but there's two folks falling from a tower.

There's, seems like a storm, like lightning, thunder, tornado vibes.

But there's also like an owl and a squirrel and some nature creatures, like sitting on this like tree house tower.

But interesting.

There's also like a river below, and maybe like the lightning is striking the river that one person's falling into, but the other person's not.

I don't know.

This is like a very chaotic card.

There's a lot going on.

But let's see, let's see what it means for us today.

For a quick reference, the tower represents breakdown and illumination.

I wonder if that's why like part of this card is like super dark and the other part is like really illuminated.

Very interesting.

But reversed, the keywords include averting disaster, delaying the inevitable, resisting change.

When you get the tower card reversed, you may feel that a crisis is looming on the horizon and you struggle as much as you can to try to avoid its manifestation.

Love meaning, making adjustments in love, leaving a weak relationship.

Career meaning, surviving layoffs, avoiding taking risks in career.

Financial meaning, surviving financial disaster, repeating financial troubles.

What you have relied on may no longer be there for you.

However, do not view this as a drastic and depressing change.

Instead, it's time for you to become more self-reliant.

Huh, self-reliance.

Really great, really great tie-in to today's episode of just learning how to be what we need, kind of thing.

I hope that makes sense.

I would ramble more, but again, I'm on crunch time, so thanks for hanging out today.

Hope to see you again next week.

Please like, rate, subscribe, all the things.

I love you so, so much for being here.

Can't wait to see you again next week.

And yeah, until next time, bye babes.”