Episode #19: You’re Not An Imposter, Babe, You’re Human

Babe That's Bonkers Podcast

0:00

-1:00:42

Episode #19: You’re Not An Imposter, Babe, You’re Human

if you feel like a fake it's because you're actually trying

Kaylee Faria

Mar 09, 2025

Episode 19: You’re Not An Imposter, Babe, You’re Human

Welcome Babes to the 19th episode of the Babe That’s Bonkers Podcast! I’m your host, Kaylee Faria, and I’m thrilled to take you on this bonkers journey into my world.

In this episode, I’ll share a little bit about my current struggles with imposter syndrome—especially as an up and coming baby artist —as well as ways to combat it, and of course some updates in the astrology department. So, grab your favorite drink, get cozy, and let’s get chatty ;)

“Hey babes, welcome back to another episode of the Babe That's Bonkers podcast.

I'm your host, Kaylee.

So happy to be here, so happy to have you here.

Today is a wonderful, beautiful day.

I was about to say in February, but we were actually in March.

Don't let these Valentine's Day balloons fool ya.

That dollar store helium's just still kickin along, you know?

Today, we are chit chatting about imposter syndrome.

This is actually the second time that I'm recording this episode, because yesterday the recording day was just like super duper chaotic.

I was interrupted a bunch of times by phone calls and dogs, and my partner came home, and yadda yadda yadda.

All kinds of mumbo jumbo happened in.

And then when I actually finished, the file was corrupted and absolutely unusable.

So here we are again for round two, chit chatting about imposter syndrome.

I do feel a bit less like an imposter this go around, now that I've had some practice.

However, it is incredibly time-consuming to do everything twice.

So it's kind of a bummer.

But oh well, we'll see what genius I have to spit out today.

I felt like I had some really great one liners yesterday.

So that is a bit disappointing.

But yeah, you want some, you lose some.

That's just how the cookies crumble in this week.

So hopefully I still get this episode out on time.

It's very likely that it will be late though.

And that's just that's just how this week's going.

And it's fine.

It's fine.

Deep breaths, everybody.

Deep breaths.

Everything's gonna be all right.

So we're gonna be chatting about imposter syndrome.

You know, why it's relevant recently in my life, perhaps.

What it is and how we can kind of like combat it, defeat it, move past it and whatnot.

That's the goal, at least.

You know, we also have some astrology tidbits to throw in today.

Life updates, per huge.

And we'll wrap things up with a tarot pool as well.

That's just gonna be the day's episode.

So yeah, it's gonna be a good one.

And I'm gonna jump right into things because yesterday, I was chit chatting for quite some time.

So we'll see how today goes.

But why am I talking about imposter syndrome today?

Because I happen to be experiencing imposter syndrome.

I very much feel like an imposter these days, especially in the art department of my life and whatnot.

It's crazy how the more art I make, the like less I feel like an artist, the less valid I feel as an artist.

Like, it was almost like whenever I just like painted and created and crafted and did all that stuff just for funsies as a hobby.

Like, I don't know, I guess I didn't really consider myself an artist, but I didn't feel like fake for doing it.

But now that I'm trying to like make something of it, you know, go somewhere with these different ideas and stern around in the pot that is my brain trying to bring to life and whatever, I feel fake as fuck.

Like, I have absolutely no right to be doing any of these things, which is absolutely crazy, because I have every right to have ideas and to bring them to fruition.

Like, that is actually one of the most amazing parts about being alive, I think.

I think it's just a super fulfilling experience all around.

Obviously, I love it enough to want to spend more and more time doing that in my life.

But, I don't know.

The more I introduce myself to people as an artist and start putting myself out there and asking questions, searching for opportunities, yadda yadda yadda, I just feel like an absolute imposter.

Like, I'm not actually an artist.

I'm just a girl, you know what I mean?

But at the end of the day, when I really take a look at things, I've been creating art for a while now.

I've actually always been a very creative person.

I can think back to things I've done since I was a child.

And art was a huge, huge part of my life.

And that's why I feel like this is the direction I should be going in.

Like, I remember me in elementary school, like I used to make all kinds of shit out of duct tape.

Like all kinds of stuff out of duct tape, duct tape wallets, duct tape roses and pens.

And I sold it at my little like elementary school campus.

I remember a teacher rocking up one day.

I was scared shitless.

I was like, this is the day I'm gonna get in trouble.

I'm not supposed to be selling things at school, like whatever.

But no, she just actually also went in to buy mustache duct tape rose pen.

And yeah, I made some decent money for an 11 year old doing that.

And I think those are my roots.

And I'm trying to get back to them because that's just like what came naturally to me.

That's what I just like naturally like gravitated towards.

You know, I was just a little itty bitty girl watching some YouTube videos, trying some things out and just like enjoying life and being happy and creative.

And it was it was cool.

And anywho, that's kind of a tangent, but that's just like a little piece of my origin story perhaps.

But yeah, this whole imposter syndrome experience is just strange.

Everything about it feels very backwards, but I also know it's a very human experience.

I've been doing a bit of research on like what it is and all that jazz, which we'll dive into in a little bit.

And yeah, it's just like one of those phenomena that's just like, it possesses a lot of juxtaposition.

Like even though I'm doing more things that artists would do, so I should be even more valid as an artist, I somehow feel the opposite and that's just a little bit crazy.

I also feel like an imposter when it comes to like podcasting and sometimes just like being a general like good person, decent human, friend, family member, partner, all that jazz.

Like what does that even mean?

Like who made these rules on like what's good?

You know, I think that's probably it.

Like just I'm giving people the opportunity to judge me, I guess, and decide if my art is good or not.

And I tell myself often that other people's opinions don't like matter.

Like if they love my art, that's amazing.

I'm really grateful to have like connected with this person.

But if they didn't love my art, it's okay that it's just not for them, not their cup of tea, like it's very subjective.

But I think a lot of this just has to do with like a foundation of insecurity and a lack of confidence.

I think at least when it comes to art and podcasting, like it's just gonna take time.

Like, do I have a portfolio?

Yes.

But is it like amazing?

Is it something that I'm like, super duper incredibly proud of?

Maybe not.

But maybe I'm also judging myself, you know, a little bit more harshly, like, I don't, I don't know, but I can always improve upon it.

And I think it's great that it's just like there for me to improve upon, you know, I don't know, I'm just, I'm trying to like debunk the like root causes of why I'm experiencing this imposter syndrome so that I can like overcome it.

I think that's how they teach you how to do things in therapy or whatever.

So that's the goal.

And I think, you know, just like being self aware about those kinds of insecurities can go a long way.

But when it comes to like battling these types of things, it's all easier said than done.

Like the mind is so fickle.

It's actually very frustrating and kind of bunk, if you ask me how like self sabotaging the mind can be at times.

Like who invented the system?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I guess when you really think about it, all the anxieties and worries and stuff like that is just like your mind trying to protect you.

Like it's trying to do good things.

And that's probably like an adaptation of like evolution and survival and stuff like that.

But still bunk, if you ask me.

So yeah, that's pretty much why I'm like deep diving into imposter syndrome today, just trying to get real and vulnerable with you guys.

Like yes, it's fun to like learn things together, chit chat about astrology, just be some, you know, funny little girly pops.

But I also want you to know like I'm a very real human, having these very real human experiences.

And this is how I'm processing them and handling them.

And I do not by any means have it all figured out.

In fact, something that I think is really important to remember and is very relevant today's discussion is that everyone's here just doing it all for the first time.

Like we're just hanging out on this rock that's floating through space like that's a bit that's a bit crazy.

But none of us have done life before like perhaps we have the energies of like our reincarnated ancestors or whatever.

I do remember when I recorded yesterday I actually said reanimated.

If you've watched Naruto, it'll make sense but reincarnated is the correct phrase I was looking for.

But either way, our like consciousness, our memory, we've only been doing this for how long we've been alive, you know, however old we are.

We don't we don't know how life really works.

We're all just like figuring it out as we go along.

And I think it's important to remember that so we can give ourselves grace, so we can give other people in our lives grace.

Like hopefully we're all just like trying our best.

And it's wild that shit can still hit the fan, but that's just how life life goes sometimes, you know, and we just need to ride the waves the best we can.

Yeah, I just think that that like sentiment just personally brings me a lot of peace, peace of mind to just know like, oh, I'm not the only one who's like struggling to figure out all of these different things about life, like everyone's doing it, like even our parents and our grandparents, like yes, they might be wiser, they're older, so they've had more experiences.

They've just like had more time to like see things, practice things, learn from things and whatever.

But, you know, the worst thing you've gone through is the worst thing you've gone through.

And, you know, the hardest things you've had to overcome are the hardest things you've had to overcome, and it's different for everybody.

Everyone's journey is unique and all that jazz and just, yeah, nobody's really got it figured out.

We're all just fucking faking it till you make it, you know?

I think you get the gist.

I'm going to quit rambling about that.

And we are going to dive into some like definitions and stuff when it comes to imposter syndrome.

If you want to know exactly what I'm looking at, just Google the words imposter syndrome and you should get something similar to what I'm going to be spitting out today.

Except also with my own personal like ad-libbed annotations.

You know, that's the fun of it, right?

But Google defines imposter syndrome as a psychological phenomenon characterized by persistent feelings of self-doubt, inadequacy, a fear of being exposed as a fraud, despite evidence of one's competence.

I think that last phrase means a lot.

Like, I feel like that really ties into like somehow even though I'm making more art than ever, I feel less like an artist.

Like that's that's backwards.

But you know, that's just because I'm afraid people are going to think I'm a shitty artist.

And that's very normal and very human for me to be concerned about how people might perceive me, especially like, you know, the vulnerability of sharing like your art, something that like comes from your mind.

Like that's a super brave and intimate thing to like share with the world.

So it makes sense of being like afraid of negative feedback and whatever.

But, you know, there's also a lot of growth that can come from receiving criticism, handling criticism, all that jazz.

Not fun by any means, but I guess if you want to look on the bright side of things, you know, we can always learn from those experiences.

You know, so Google also breaks down the different causes of imposter syndrome.

The four main ones being perfectionism, external validation, negative self talk, and cultural expectations.

I think a lot of this has to do with expectations.

This whole conversation made me think a lot about the book The Four Agreements.

Such an amazing book.

I think everyone should read it.

I think everyone can benefit from it.

One of the four agreements that the author discusses is that we should not attach ourselves to expectations because things rarely go according to plan.

And when we attach ourselves to expectations and they're not met, we are simply left with disappointment.

And when it comes to setting expectations for ourselves, being a perfectionist, it's very often to set unrealistically high standards.

And when we don't meet them, we feel like failures.

That's definitely something that I experience a lot in the perfectionism department.

Like I'm always setting these like crazy high standards for myself.

And then I don't meet them.

And then I feel like a failure.

And it's something I try to be self-aware about, but easier said than done at times.

You know what I mean?

I think the whole concept of perfectionism is incredibly relevant for me in this conversation, because part of the reason why I'm attempting to become an abstract artist, and I'm like leaning into my photography as well, is because I've never been like a realism artist.

Like I can't just like draw a person exactly how they are, or draw any subject really exactly how it is.

Like I can definitely come up with an interpretation and get the same idea across, which is really all that needs to be done when it comes to art.

I remember seeing like an Instagram post saying like, you know, photography is for capturing exactness, like art is for, you know, including like your own interpretation and your own perspective.

Not to say that photography is not art, but you know what I mean?

Like it's not supposed to be exact.

If it is like just take a picture, you know what I mean?

And I feel like I've been leaning into photography a lot to like make up for what I lack in the realism department.

But something I've thought about just heavily a lot on this little artistic journey I've been on is like I don't have to be an absolutely perfect like realism artist to create great, fun, beautiful, meaningful, impactful art.

Like that's the entire category of abstracts.

Like it's all up for interpretation and there's so, so much beauty in that.

So like why hold myself to like that standard that I'm not going to like reach?

Like I used to think like that's the only way I could have like been an artist is if I were like naturally talented at like realism work.

And it wasn't until I started like leaning into all the abstract stuff that I was like, oh, I can be creative in this world.

You know, I just have to lean into the different, you know, genres and modalities and mediums that align with me and my talents and my skillset.

And for the areas that I lack, I just need to practice more and, you know, create different opportunities to learn different things, perhaps, you know, rather than just attempting to draw a person perfectly once and then giving up when it doesn't happen perfectly automatically the first time.

You know what I mean?

So that's just been like my journey with perfectionism.

And it makes sense that perfectionism ties into imposter syndrome and expectations.

I also think it's very interesting that I brought up like cultural expectations.

You know, I think that we can often compare ourselves to others and like almost like dictate cultural expectations in our own mind based on like different things that we hear and see and stuff like that.

But also at the end of the day, a lot of the times like, no one is providing that expectation directly for you.

Like you're still kind of creating it yourself in your head.

And something I've been trying to work on a lot with expectations is just like, why stress yourself out like that?

Like you know how much time you have to dedicate to this or what resources you have to dedicate to like whatever project is in mind, you know, like just like what you're capable of and like what tools you have in your toolboat.

So why set unrealistic expectations for yourself?

Like what are you trying to prove to yourself?

Like it just ends up being this like self sabotaging, negative feedback loop of like, oh, I set this goal, but I didn't need it.

So I suck.

So I'm not really an artist.

So I shouldn't try and yada yada yada and blah, blah, blah, blah.

At least that's one of the mental loops I happen to get stuck in sometimes.

And it's, it's not a very good one, you know, kind of ties in with other causes they mentioned of like, negative self-talk.

Like the way you speak about yourself matters.

Like I did that whole episode on like the impact of words, the importance of words and all the power of words.

That's what it was, the power of words.

And it's just, it's so, so true.

Like the way you speak about yourself matters.

If you keep being like self-deprecating and like a downer all the time, like you can be realistic and like, that can be like motivating to some people, but I feel like at your core, you need to believe good things about yourself.

And that starts with speaking to yourself kindly and giving yourself grace.

You know what I mean?

Like those, those affirmations that you don't necessarily believe at first, but as you say them and say them and say them and say them, they start to gain more power and more weight.

You know what I mean?

Like you are worthy just the way that you are, exactly how you are.

And yes, you should strive to be the best version of yourself, but the best version of yourself is going to look different every single day.

And that's okay.

You know, like those are great ways to like speak to yourself, I think, versus like, you know, your piece of shit because you didn't do X, Y, and Z and like sucks to suck, whatever, whatever.

Like it's great to be like, okay, I'm holding myself accountable.

I didn't accomplish these things I wanted to accomplish.

But you know, I can make time for them in the future.

And the fact that I'm like disappointed in myself for not accomplishing them just shows me how important those things to me are.

So I should make them a priority moving forward type of thing.

Like, that's kind of a healthy way to like mitigate moments where you like fail yourself perhaps, you know, with honesty, but also grace and kindness.

Like there's no reason to be your biggest bully.

Like, where's that going to get you in life?

That's just going to lead to you being probably pretty, pretty sad.

Again, all easier said than done, you know, getting into these different like mental head spaces, you know, life is just very fluid, like a river, we, we ease in and out of these different head spaces, if that makes sense.

Like, we're not always in a great head space.

We're not always in a shitty head space, hopefully, you know, it just it fluctuates depending on how our life is going.

And I think it's important to remember that we can take control of the narrative.

Like, we are in control if we really, really try to be the other cause I did want to touch on was external validation.

I think this is something I've talked about in the past.

I am a big, huge, huge believer, not a perfect practicer, but a big believer in that you need to have a really solid foundation of internal validation.

Like you need to believe in yourself and like have confidence in yourself in order to be able to like really accept external validation.

If you're accepting external validation and like letting that be your foundation and like letting that be like what determines your worth, like external validation is like fleeting, like it comes and it goes depending on, you know, the day and the moment and whatever, whatever, but you're always with yourself, right?

So like if you're always there supporting yourself, like you're probably going to get through a lot more than if you're like relying on external things that are like out of your control at the end of the day to determine your self worth and your like value.

And I feel like when we're like relying on external validation, like criticism hits different.

Like if you don't have confidence as your foundation, like criticism can put you in a pretty negative head space.

Whereas like when you do have that like strong solid foundation of internal validation, you can, you know, hear it, reflect upon it, marinate, whatever, and then like decide how much weight that piece of criticism like holds for you.

Versus if you don't have that foundation, you know, it's probably going to hold a lot more weight than it should.

Moving on to some symptoms of imposter syndrome.

It includes persistent self doubt and insecurity.

I think that's pretty, pretty clear.

Like insecurity is the root of imposter syndrome.

And, you know, it's natural.

It's human, but it's also not fun.

And it's not something that you can't get rid of, if that makes sense.

Like you can put in the work to take yourself to a secure place.

And we'll get into how we do that in a moment.

But other symptoms you might be experiencing if you've got some imposter syndrome floating around would be attributing success to external factors.

So help from other people and luck, just not giving yourself credit where credit is due, fear of being exposed as a fraud, failure type thing, difficulty accepting compliments and praise.

I think that has to do a lot with like your perception of your own self worth.

Like I feel like it's hard to accept compliments when you don't believe what other people are saying, where it's like, if you do, like, oh, it's like, great, you noticed too kind of thing, where it's like, if you don't believe it yourself, then it's kind of like, okay, you're just like lying to me, you know, you're just saying that to be nice, whatever, whatever, you know, you're pitying me type shit.

And that's not the case, usually, I very rarely find that people say nice things and don't mean them.

You know what I mean?

Like what, what would the point in that be?

The last couple symptoms also include procrastination and avoidance of challenges.

Procrastination is something I chatted about a lot.

Whenever I attempted to record this yesterday, I was just procrastinating so, so hardcore.

And I was just like, this also feels so backwards to me, like why am I procrastinating recording my podcast?

Like I've been telling myself that having a podcast is one of my many dreams to accomplish in my life.

And yet every time I get the opportunity to work on it, I find myself like procrastinating and doing all these little bullshit tasks.

So I don't actually have the time to work on my podcast anymore.

Like that's why I ran into so many issues just like with my dog interrupting and people calling me and my partner coming home.

It's because I procrastinated until the very end of the day where I could have like recorded in the morning.

I was just, you know, not not with the program.

And it's interesting to see that that's like common for people who are experiencing imposter syndrome.

I think a lot of it has to do with that like fear of failure and fear of being proven as like a fraud.

Like the more you put yourself out there, the more opportunities other people have to judge you and call you out for being a failure or a fraud.

And that's really scary.

And it's true.

They do have that opportunity, but they also have the opportunity to agree with you and appreciate the content that you're putting out and the things that you're creating and the ideas that you have.

And they have the opportunity to show you kindness and to show you love.

And, you know, it can go either way, but like there's no reason to just like automatically decide that the world's gonna hate you before you've given them the opportunity to like tell you, show you, you know what I mean?

And again, like I said, if people don't vibe with you, like that's okay.

There's so many fucking people on this floating space rock.

Like, you've got some of them.

Some of them are gonna be like your people.

You know what I mean?

Like not all of them.

The odds of that are absolutely like fucking impossible.

But the odds of no one, you know, agreeing with you, vibing with you is also pretty impossible, I think.

Like as long as you're putting yourself out there, like your people will find you.

And I don't think the fear of being judged or ridiculed or being outed as a fraud is is worth missing out on that opportunity.

And I think that's really important to remember if you're like me and you're experiencing imposter syndrome, like as scary as it is to do the thing, the exciting thing, the thing that like matters to you, like it's so much scarier to think about what it would feel like to lose the opportunity and regret it.

Like I think that if I didn't, you know, attempt to this podcast, attempt to be an artist, attempt to travel the world, attempt to take pictures of beautiful places and things and whatnot, and, you know, just live like a fulfilling life, I would regret it.

Like if I didn't do everything in my power to try to make my dreams come true, I will regret it.

And if I end up wasting all of my time doing a bunch of things that have nothing to do with my dream, like I'm totally going to regret that.

You know, I don't think, I think here's what I'm trying to say is, I don't think I will ever regret trying to make progress towards my dreams, even if they fail, even if they don't work out, because I will learn something.

And that something is going to help me eventually hopefully get to where I'm trying to go.

You know what I mean?

And as long as I keep learning, I keep pivoting, I keep trying, and just like never give up.

Never stop putting myself out there.

You know, Naruto, Zendou Way, never give up.

Never go back on your word.

I just know that I will never regret giving something my all if it's something that I actually really care about and means something to me.

And when it comes to like anxiety and depression amongst all of these different symptoms, I feel like, you know, they kind of go hand in hand with one another.

Like I feel like, you know, not everyone always experiences both of them, but I feel like most people in my life who have experienced one often experience the other to some degree, usually one more than the other, honestly.

I, however, feel like I am the exception to that rule, obviously, and I have experienced both a lot of anxiety in my life and a lot of depression, and they usually come and go in waves.

It's like I'll have a big depressive episode and a really big anxious episode, and then I'll have an episode of neither, and then we get back into the rotation, and that's just life, you know?

But it makes sense that anxiousness would play a huge role in this.

Like a lot of this like fear, like anxiousness, worry, fear, I feel like are very like synonymous terms.

Like we're just afraid of people not liking us and our ideas at the end of the day, because it's scary and not fun to not be liked.

Like let's be real, who wants to not be liked?

No one.

But that's also just reality at the end of the day, right?

We're not everybody's cup of tea.

We could be the juiciest peach on the tree.

And some people just still don't like peaches, you know?

And that's okay.

I also feel like anxiety and depression go hand in hand with like insecurity, self-doubt and all that jazz, you know, all those like self-deprecating negative thoughts that you end up like saying to yourself.

And like when it comes to procrastination, I feel like whenever I procrastinate like yesterday, when I have the opportunity to do the thing that I want to do, but I guess to a degree feel like I maybe don't deserve it.

I don't know.

You know, I find myself in just this like paralysis, like frozen mode, like I don't know what to do with myself because like doing the thing, that's hard and scary, but also not doing the thing is also hard and scary.

So I just end up like stuck and it'll just take me a long time to convince myself to get up and just do the thing.

It's like going to the gym, like it's always harder, you know, before you've done it versus like after you've done it, you don't really like regret it, you actually usually feel good and happy that you did the challenging thing.

But all those moments up until you're like in the midst of working out are hard and challenging kind of thing.

I hope you relate.

I feel like a lot of people relate to that experience, especially with the gym.

Just like for some reason have this like backwards notion of like wanting to resist doing the thing that's good for us.

Like, I don't know, I think it plays into like the saying of like suffering is comfortable, like, it's comfortable to just like stay stuck where you're at.

You know, it's not comfortable is growing because then you're going to become a different person, you're going to outgrow your skin or whatever, you're going to have to have like a metamorphosis and that's challenging and painful sometimes and scary because it's new and different and unknown but like a caterpillar turning into a beautiful butterfly, it can be a really wonderful thing.

I do feel like today when I'm going through everything, I'm much more like positive about everything.

Like I think yesterday I was just really in that like procrastination zone and I've also procrastinated a lot today now that I really think about it but you know, I took an everything shower and I put a little outfit on and I have done some productive things already this morning whereas I feel like yesterday I was just kind of like in a thunk for my procrastination whereas today I procrastinated by like doing productive things like the dishes or whatever.

I don't know.

But I'm just glad that I can be a more positive uplifting voice for you guys today.

Google also mentions that imposter syndrome can have a significant impact on individual's personal and professional lives, leading to reduced productivity and performance.

You know, that procrastination we were just talking about.

Difficulty taking risks and pursuing opportunities, relationship problems, and increased stress and anxiety.

We've already hit on anxiety.

I feel like stress, like all of this is really stressful, you know?

And I feel like stress really like leads people down that road of like, you know, we're really anxious, so we become really stressed.

And then we start to procrastinate, and then we become depressed because we see ourselves as failures.

You know, it's just like that whole cycle of unfortunate human negativity.

I think it's really interesting that it also mentions, you know, there's a difficulty taking risk and pursuing opportunities.

Like I was saying, it's like the more opportunities I give myself to like prove that I'm an artist, the less I want to take them to a degree.

And it's because they're scary, because just as much as they're an opportunity to like prove myself, they're also an opportunity that I'm like disproving myself.

And that's scary and whatnot.

But it's worth it, right?

It's worth it.

Last few things on the little Google page are just, you know, some treatment options, including seeking support from friends and family members, or preferably therapy that's probably the best support you can get whenever you're struggling with anxiety and depression, imposter syndrome, all these like mentally anguishing emotional experiences.

Like, it's just it's really tough to be human, but we do have tools and resources out there.

I wish I had more resources so I could take advantage of those resources, if that makes sense.

But because I'm not in therapy, you know, it just makes it that much more important for me to check in with my people, my partner, my friends and, you know, just use the tools that I do have that are free, like journaling.

Journaling is another thing that it mentions.

Journaling is honestly probably the only thing that holds me together, you know, as I'm in the season of life where I'm not going to therapy.

Not that I like need it, need it, but probably wouldn't hurt kind of thing.

But journaling can, you know, help you process different things.

It can give like your thoughts just like a space to live.

It's important not to dwell on these things.

However, like I think there's, you know, some self-control that needs to be there and administered and just perhaps trial and error to figure out which methods of journaling work for you and which ones don't.

You know, I think just having something on paper can help you like recognize those different patterns you might be experiencing.

And like from there, like if you're recognizing patterns, you can become a little bit more self-aware.

And then in the moment you can start, you know, hopefully trying to make better choices for yourself.

At least that's the goal, you know, taking charge of our thoughts and our feelings and our actions in that order.

And with all this, I think it's super important to remember that, you know, 80% of people experience imposter syndrome at some point in their lives to some degree.

So it's super duper normal.

You're not broken.

There's nothing wrong with you.

You're not weird.

It's just, it's life.

It's just stuff, you know.

And imposter syndrome is also not a mental illness.

It's a psychological phenomena.

It's kind of just like, like a mental experience.

I guess you could say versus, you know, like some sort of like disease perhaps, you know, I think that like labeling it as something that like needs like treatment can make it feel a little more, I don't know, intense, less in your control.

I feel like treatment's not the best phrase for it.

I feel like combating it, defeating it, you know, might be a little bit more appropriate as a psychological phenomenon.

You know what I mean?

But I didn't write the Google page, so don't come for me.

But I do love how the Google page does include a little blurb about how people with imposter syndrome should really work on validating their own accomplishments, accepting their strengths, and cultivating self-compassion, like self-love, self-worth, self-compassion.

I feel like we're all very synonymous, like it's about the relationship that you have with yourself, which perfectly ties us in to the next little chunk that I wanted to get into, which is about combating imposter syndrome.

I know I've touched on quite a few things already, but now we're ready for like all of my own original thoughts without the influence of Google, okay?

I feel like when it comes to the struggles that are like rooted in insecurity at the end of the day, you know, require more solid, you're just like focusing on rebuilding or building up a foundation that is made up of like self-trust, self-confidence, a sense of like worthiness as oneself.

Like I said, a lot of like the journaling, recognizing patterns, trying to be like self-aware about like yourself and the way that your mind operates, you know, can be really, really helpful.

But it's also easier said than done, like self-awareness.

It's not like automatic.

I think it's something that that takes practice and a lot of intention and focus.

But when it comes to building up trust with yourself, like that is really, really important.

Like to be so self-assured to know that like, I am worthy of happiness.

I am worthy of love.

Like I'm a beautiful, kind, strong human.

And no one could possibly convince me otherwise.

Like I know I am worthy as an artist.

I know I'm worthy of these opportunities.

I know that I will make the best of them.

I know that I am not less of anything if other people disagree with these statements that I'm sharing.

You know, they can disagree.

That's fine.

That really has nothing to do with me and a lot more to do with them kind of thing.

Again, all easier said than done.

But I feel like these are some just like positive thought patterns I try to come back to in order to like build up confidence with myself and just like that sense of like worthiness.

You know, like you're enough.

I'm enough.

We're all enough as we are as long as we're trying our best and you know, attempting to be good, kind people, humans.

I think another great way to like work on building trust with yourself.

This is something I'm trying really hard to practice in my own life.

Definitely quite the challenge though.

But it's just like putting yourself out there, like working to create opportunities for yourself.

Because like best case scenario, like they do work out in your favor and you have this really amazing experience that you learn a lot from, that you feel really fulfilled by, and like takes you steps closer towards making your dreams come true and like creating this life that you love and want for yourself.

And on the flip side, worst case scenario, if you try putting yourself out there, try taking advantage of opportunities and you get rejected, there's a lot to learn from that experience as well.

You know what I mean?

Something I remember about myself whenever I was working on getting out of like an insecure mindset and jumping back into like a mindset of confidence, or actually I shouldn't say back into it.

I feel like that's what I'm trying to do now, is I'm trying to jump back into a mindset of confidence.

But in the past, I feel like I've only done this once before.

It was like, let me just take it a few steps back, okay?

Whenever I was in college, I ended up in just like a pretty dark mental headspace, just like struggling with depression, anxiety, a lot of different things.

We'll probably deep dive into that another day.

But all to say is like those experiences took me on this journey of like building up my confidence.

And I did get to a place where I felt really, really confident in myself.

And I ended up with this like invincibility complex, because as I was like navigating some of these really, really challenging, just like life scenario situations that were out of my control, you know, as I overcame them and got through them.

And even though it was like shitty and hard and painful, I was still just like trudging along, mustering through, making my way through life that allowed me to develop this, like invincibility complex is what I called it.

I just got to this point where I felt like, you know, no matter what happens, none of this is the end of the world.

Like, it's just life.

Like even when people die, like that's just life.

And unless you're the one that's dying, like, it's not the end of the world.

It's just like shitty things that happen, but you can get through it.

And I just kept telling myself, like, I just have this invincibility complex, like absolutely nothing can take me down.

Like these life, these things that life is like throwing at me right now, yeah, it sucks, yeah, it's shitty.

No, it's not easy by any means to tackle, but I can get through it, you know?

And it took some time to develop that mindset, and I did indeed lose it for a while, because life is just a fluctuating roller coaster of things that just keep happening and whatnot, but, you know, I'm getting back there, which is a really wonderful thing.

And I'm really thankful that I've already kind of been through it, so I was able to learn that lesson, so now I know like this is like a mental mantra that I can hold on to, or a mindset that I'm, I know I'm capable of possessing, and I just really wanted to share it with you in case you're experiencing something similar.

I hope that it helps you out, or at least makes you feel a little less alone.

Alrighty, that's all I've got today for our chats about imposter syndrome.

Again, I am not an expert.

I'm just a girl who's going through all these things, wanting to share my journey with you all.

And all that jazz.

So, you know, you're not alone.

We're all just doing this thing for the first time, and I wish you the best of luck on your journey.

But now it's time to move on to our astrology thoughts for the day.

I think I mentioned a couple episodes ago that, you know, a lot of things were going to be happening in the astrology department in March.

So I've got a couple of those things to go over today.

We've got some planets making some big moons, if you will.

So on March 1st, and this is going to be occurring through March 27th, Venus is going to be retrograding in Aries.

So what I've come to discover that that means, because it really just sounds like a bunch of like words like ooh, retrograde, oh no, like what is retrograde?

Like actually like what?

So I googled it and it's whenever the planet on its orbit is like going in the opposite direction that it's normally going in.

So if you're watching this on YouTube, you can see me like moving my finger and like an elliptical ovular or circular motion, whatever you want to call it.

And it kind of looks like, you know, my finger is just going like back and forth, but it's actually, you know, like a circle.

You're just like viewing it from the side.

And so I guess whenever it like changes directions or whatever, like that's whenever it's in retrograde.

So I feel like if the planet is spending half of its time going one way, it has to spend half of its time going the other way.

So I don't know which way is the regular way and which way is like determined as the retrograde way.

But you know, it's just like, it's shifting.

And with that shift, it's ending up in Aries, which I do believe is just like the location of where the retrograde is happening.

And then eventually, you know, it's going to be retrograding in another sector of the zodiac belt.

So Venus is going to be retrograding in another sign.

And I'm sure we'll get to that when we get to it.

But you know, each of these planets, we haven't deep dove in dived into them yet, but each of them have their own like set of attributes, I believe.

I do think that they like relate to different signs more than other signs and just like represent different concepts and stuff like that.

So Venus is kind of known to have to do a lot with like love and relationships.

So while Venus is doing its retrograde thing in Aries, you know, our relationships and our values are going to be kind of put under a microscope.

Like this is kind of like testing grounds of like what's important to us.

And if like we're in alignment with our relationships, it can sound kind of scary, but it's also like kind of a good thing.

It's like those moments of hard truths and you know, it doesn't have to be just like your romantic relationships.

It can be the relationship that you possess with yourself.

It can be relationships with friends, people in your community, yada, yada, yada.

So that's one of the themes that we're experiencing this March.

Another thing that recently happened at the beginning of the month is that the planet of Mercury also entered Aries.

It seems to be just moving its regular way, not retrograding.

So that's at least not super stressful.

But I guess the combination of Mercury and Aries just kind of like brings out people's impulsivity and perhaps short temperedness.

Just like, you know, people are going to be speaking their minds.

And again, it's not necessarily a bad thing.

It's just kind of those moments of like hard truths.

But it can also be a bad thing if you're known to be like hot tempered and say things that you don't actually mean.

So I think that's something that's probably pretty important to think about.

It's just like with this, like be very observational, be very intentional.

Don't let like the heat of the moment kind of take over for you.

I think that is something that could happen really easily with these different themes.

The Cosmic Latte also mentions that dreams are really relevant at this time, which I think is super weird because I've also been like, I literally facetimed, not facetimed, Snapchat videoed one of my friends like what happened in a dream I had the other day.

And then I hopped on the Cosmic Latte to start doing my research for this episode.

And they were like, oh yeah, check out your dreams, weird things might be happening there.

And I was just like, this just confirms that it's real in my mind.

Like the confirmation bias is there.

But yeah, they mention that the Venus retrograde really just like puts to the test your values, your relationships, your self-worth, and like how open you feel to abundance in your life.

Are you open to abundance?

Are the relationships that you're cultivating going to bring you abundance or not?

I feel like even though it's kind of scary, it's just like that moment of just like check yourself.

Like is this the path that you want to be on?

Or is it time to shift and realign to get closer towards making your dream life come true?

And that's what I've got for March's activity so far.

There will definitely be more coming next week with some interesting planetary movements and whatnot, but they'll just be more relevant for next week's episode than today's, you know.

I do think I missed out on chatting about the new moon in Pisces that happened at the end of February.

Just to recap, new moons kind of represent new beginnings.

Pisces is also the last of the zodiac signs in the little order.

So I think it was just like a really beautiful combination to just like have like endings and beginnings coming together.

You know, we're entering this like new season.

Aries is the first in the lineup of the zodiac, so it's almost like a New Year's type vibe, if that makes sense.

But I feel like that occurrence also just really solidifies these like transitional fresh start vibes.

And if you want to know more, I will link the Cosmic Latte down below, per us, absolutely love them.

I feel like it is just the most consumable way I've been able to learn about astrology in a long time.

The guides are very, very fun.

And that's what I got for astrology talks.

So it's time to roll into the life updates.

You know what everyone actually really cares about here?

Me, duh.

Kidding, kidding, kidding.

I hope you guys understand my sarcasm at this point.

But yeah, in terms of life updates, I haven't really been doing many fun things.

The burnout has indeed been creeping in.

I've been holding it at bay the best I can, trying to just like, A, make the most of my free time as I'm juggling just these different transitions, like mostly in my work life, you know, like I got a new job before the end of the last year, and I've got a second job, but it's kind of weird, so I might be continuing my job hunt.

I don't know, I just don't know what I'm really doing in that department, but that obviously very much affects the financial situation I'm able to be in.

But, you know, I'm just like caught up in this battle of like, you know, do I value time or money more because I have all these projects that I'm just like, trying to dedicate as much time to as I can without being, you know, unreasonable, if that makes sense.

I don't know, it's just, it's a crazy time to be a baby adult in this world.

I'll say that.

And I say baby adult because I once had a friend tell me, like, you become an adult when you're 18, not until you're 19, then you're a one-year-old adult.

So at this point, I'm almost, I'm almost a six-year-old adult.

So I'm like a kindergartner adult.

Like I finally learned how to like walk and talk and play, and I'm like ready for new responsibilities, but I also had absolutely no idea what the fuck I'm doing.

So there's that.

And that's just causing like a lot of mental anguish, anxiety, whatever, whatever.

But yeah, the burnout is just creeping in.

I feel like I am trying really hard to condition myself, both mentally and physically the best I can to just be more capable of adding more things to my plate.

And I'm trying to do it like sustainably, but also like, at some point, I'm going to like reach my limit, you know?

And I'm gonna have to like really recognize like what that limit is.

And I don't know, I don't want to reach that limit.

I would really like to just naturally be perfect at providing myself with proper rest whenever I need it, because you know, that's what's gonna prevent me from getting burnout is finding balance in my life.

Like my body needs rest.

My brain also needs rest.

And if I don't rest intentionally, then they're going to decide for me.

And that's not ideal, because then it disrupts my plans, and that gives me more anxiety.

And that kind of ties into like how I have been trying to rest, and how it feels like it's not working.

And I feel like in those moments, my body gets to rest, but my brain has just had a really hard time turning off these days.

I feel like I've provided myself with so many tasks, and projects, and responsibilities.

Both providing myself and other people providing for me for different things that I'm involved in, and yada, yada, yada, because life's complex and whatever.

But my brain is just always on, always trying to make progress towards something.

And frankly, that's exhausting, but it's also, it's hard to turn your brain off.

It's hard to not think about these things that feel so, so important.

And when everything feels important, how do you prioritize, you know?

And these are just the rants and rambles of how a girl in her 20s is feeling.

And yeah, it's very cathartic for me to share all of that.

But it's kind of just like the life update of the mental head space that I'm in.

I think with me putting out this video about imposter syndrome and talking about insecurity and talking about burnout, I think it's pretty clear where I'm at mentally and emotionally, but I'm also trying so, so hard to like use the tools in my toolbox that I've learned from past experiences to not let it get like too bad.

You know, like I am holding on, I am hanging on and I am just waking up each day and trying again and doing the best that I can do each day like I feel pretty confident in that.

And I don't think I could really ask much more than that for myself.

Like, it might not be everything that I want to accomplish.

I might not have, I just don't have the capacity to accomplish everything that I want to accomplish immediately.

I need to be more patient with myself.

And I just need to accept that like, this is the pace that I'm at right now.

This is the capacity that I have, the output that I'm able to output with my inputs and whatever.

You get, you get the gist of what I'm saying and I think that's enough rambling about burnout because I'm just kind of talking in circles at this point.

But if you've got any tips or just want to express that like, if you also understand burnout, feel free to share.

Always welcome to share your own little tidbits.

The next thing I want to talk about as far as life updates goes is another post from Amy McNea from Inspired to Write.

Yes, I am an obsessive fan girl at this point, but she's just, she's such a babe.

She's everything I aspire to be.

Like, how could I not fan girl over her?

I also started listening to her audiobook recently, one of her fictional pieces.

I was like, if I'm going to be obsessed with her and feel eternally grateful for all the inspiration and advice that she's giving me on the internet, then maybe I should be an even better fan and actually consume like her like, well, I don't want to like discredit other things that she puts out by calling it like her real art.

But like, I know like her fictional art is like her baby.

Like that, those are the ideas from her brain, which is like other things that she shares are more so just like her, her beliefs, if that makes sense.

And it's been a really wonderful experience.

She's the one who's like narrating the audiobook, which is my favorite.

I honestly rarely will listen to an audiobook unless the author is reading it.

I just feel like the voice I create in my head and the interpretation I get from the words is going to be better than someone else's version of that, unless it's the writer because they're the ones that like actually truly understand the intentions of what they're writing, obviously.

So that's been wonderful.

I'm a few chapters in at this point, and it's just been really, really great.

Oh, and it's called The Rules Upheld By No One.

I know that that tangent's over, and I've proven that I am a true fan of hers.

She made this post the other day where she talked about how creating art in survival mode is really fucking hard.

And I just, I related to it so, so much.

I was going to like repost it and write a little verb on my story, but then it got too long.

So I started writing it in my notes instead, and I'm going to share it here.

So I typed out it's fucking hard to create in survival mode.

Then I said, this in all caps period.

Sometimes I feel so guilty for not taking advantage of time I've been able to set aside for my creative projects.

When I go to actually create, I just end up stuck, paralyzed, frozen.

And I notice it happens most often when my overwhelming thoughts escalate to a point where they create physical tension in my body.

And it's always when life's just being too much, in every way.

It's like my brain ends up to this point where it's overflowing with all these creative ideas, but I can't like grasp any of them.

I can't gain control.

They're just flowing, spewing out of me, and I'm like losing them in that process.

And it's like my mind is just, you know, catastrophizing while my body is just like quaking with absolute utter stillness.

Like this is what I mean whenever I say I end up in this like mental headspace of like procrastinating before working on projects that I love.

Like I'll find myself like trying to like give myself a pep talk in my head, sitting still for like an absurd amount of time, like an actual wasteful amount of time, trying to convince myself to like do the thing that I love doing.

And it feels so backwards.

But I think it's because my body's constantly in this like fight or flight survival mode, like my nervous system is just always on edge.

I feel very rarely relaxed and at ease.

Yeah, we're trying.

We try.

Deep breaths, they help.

But I don't know, that post of hers just sparked so many relatable thoughts for me.

I felt like all of that was very relatable to everything we've talked about today.

So a nice little a little bookend for you.

And yeah, that's what that's what I have for today's life updates.

Yeah, sorry that everything today was pretty stressful and ranty and rambly, but I hope it was also interesting and inspiring and not too negative.

Like, I still hope we're having fun, you know?

And to make sure that we're having fun, actually, we're going to do our tarot pool for the day.

At least I hope it's going to be a fun one.

And like, watch, this is going to be just the most depressing card ever.

No, it's not.

No, it's not.

Good vibes.

Nothing but good vibes going into the deck today.

And there we have it.

The card that snuck out of the deck while shuffling.

So I was going to like, just do like a cut of the deck and then do a single pool, but Tarot had other plans in mind.

So today we have, oh, I'm kind of covering that up, but it is the King of Cups.

If you're just listening to this, there's like a man on a beach.

He seems like he's blowing on a conch shell, but in the way that you play like a jazz trumpet, not in the way that you would like blow on the horn as like a signal of distress.

Cups are related to like water as an element, you know, very flowy, very emotional.

I feel like it makes sense, you know, fill your cup type sayings and the king of cups specifically represents a warm hearted man.

Keywords include wise, diplomatic, balanced between heart and head, devoted advisor, counselor.

The king of cups indicates the asker is able to balance their head and heart in relationships or serves as a reminder to remain level headed and calm when faced with interpersonal conflict.

Upright love meaning, using head and heart and love, a compassionate but calming partner.

Upright career meaning, balancing emotional, practical and logical needs.

Wisdom leads to respect and admiration.

Upright finances meaning, financial stability, being realistic but hopeful about finances.

The king's cup is also a reminder to not repress emotions.

See, cups, water, emotions, all all connects together.

It's essential to fully feel sadness, hurt, and fear, as well as happiness, fulfillment, and joy.

We often avoid emotions, worried they will engulf us.

That's always a great reminder for me.

I definitely have the habit of bottling up emotions a lot, but I do try to remember that all emotions are an important part of the human experience.

Like, low lows lead to higher highs, and if we were happy all the time, happiness wouldn't feel so special.

It's because sometimes we feel sad, sometimes we feel angry, sometimes we feel in pain, sometimes we feel insecure.

It allows us to appreciate getting to those points in our life where we do feel secure, we do feel confident, we do feel happy, we do feel joy and fulfillment, and all of those wonderful things.

You know, I think that, you know, experiencing a lack of abundance just allows you to appreciate it in the moments where you do get to enjoy it, because life is life, and those moments can be very fleeting, things can change on a dime.

And I think that also not bottling up your emotions just makes it so much easier to move past them and then appreciate the things that you learn from those negative emotions.

Like, they're there for a reason.

They're not there for you to ignore them and wish that you didn't have them.

Like, yeah, it sucks to be uncomfortable, but sometimes you just have to be a little bit uncomfortable to grow, you know, growing pains and all that.

But yeah, that's all for today's episode.

I'm done yip yapping today.

I hope to see you next week.

I have absolutely no idea what we will be talking about, so it'll be a surprise to both you and I.

Regardless, I hope to see you there.

It will be a fun time if you are, you know, you're the one who makes it a party.

So I appreciate you.

If you feel like showing some love, feel free to like, comment, share, subscribe, whatever you're feeling.

I appreciate it.

I appreciate you.

And the fact that you're here in general, listening to me means the absolute world.

I am so, so grateful to have you here alongside me as I'm on this journey of being a girl, living life, trying to be an artist, whatever the fuck I'm doing.

You know what I mean?

So thank you for your support.

It really means so much.

So until next time, bye babes.”